Wham! Bam! Thank You...

My previous post - a review of the disastrous Fanaa - gave me an idea for this post: well-known lovemaking scenes from Indian cinema. As I'd mentioned in the previous post, for a country that is obsessed with sex (I mean, we make such a big deal out of it - bans, fatwas, lawsuits and what-not. And then, of course, we have the small matter of our population) we are curiously squeamish about depicting lovemaking scenes in our movies - surrogates like two flowers touching each other, two horses (one black and the other white at that; I have always wondered what the colors signified) galloping, two butterflies tittering over a flower, two birds perched on a branch, a spilt pot of milk (for chrissakes, I mean) - the list is endless!

This post lists down the few actual lovemaking scenes that come to mind. Please do note that this list is not in any particular order - titillation-value, aesthetic-sense etc - I am just writing them down as and when they come to mind. You are welcome to contribute!

a. Kamal Hassan and Rani Mukherjee in 'Hey Ram':

One has to admit, Kamal Hassan is one lucky bastard. Wielding the directorial helm, Kamal does a fair imitation of a dog with a bone - he paws poor Rani, slobbers all over her face, and even bites her butt. However, when it comes to the actual scene, Kamal goes back to the old bedsheet-covered demure Indian woman cliche.

b. Mallika Sherawat in 'Murder'

Oh-man. This truly showed us 'what lies beneath' alright! Mallika's ample 'screen-presence' reduced even Emraan Hansini, the serial kisser of our times, to a mere spectator on the sidelines. i suspect even a suggestion of a bedsheet would have been pooh-poohed at by Mallika.

c. Rahul Khanna and Nandita Das in '1947: Earth'

Rather elegantly picturized, this one. The good-looking Rahul and the dusky Nandita sizzle in the background as the villain of the piece, Aamir, shows us the turmoil in his mind.

d. Kamal Hassan and Vasundhara Das in 'Hey Ram'

Hey, our man ain't done yet! After Rani is bumped off, Kamal 'discovers' Vasundhara, a demure yet intelligent Brahmin lass. Kamal is unnaturally controlled in the first few frames. However, after some bhang, Kamal unleashes himself on an unsuspecting Vasundhara; natural order is restored.

e. Anil Kapoor and Dimple in 'Janbaaz'

Feroz Khan's Janbaaz features a love-making scene shot with the hero and heroine romping around in hay, probably to camouflage the hairy Anil Kapoor. Remember, this was the shot that prompted Dimple to label Kapoor a barber's delight, probably in jealousy of him usurping her own 'crowing glory' tag.

f. Vinod Khanna and Madhuri Dixit in 'Dayavaan'

Feroz Khan directs this one as well. Or rather, mis-directs it, considering that he flicked almost every scene of the Mani Ratnam-Kamal Hassan classic 'Nayakan', and yet produced such excreable stuff. Featuring a teenaged Madhuri (and a teenaged Ramya Krishnan as well), this movie is still remembered only because of this love-making scene. Vinod Khanna exhibited a marked enthusiasm for the scene, that was noticeably lacking in several other scenes. Well, I guess one can't really blame him!

g. Manisha Koirala and some kid in 'Tum'

One of the most horribly picturized love-making scenes ever, in most probability. Manisha sprawls uninvitingly on a bed, looking more like a blue-whale trapped in a net and less like a desirable woman with every passing second. The poor kid, trying hard to simulate some semblance of passion, struts his stuff while Adnan Sami sings some nonsensical song in the background. Truly tragic, this, especially when one remembers the likes of '1942...' and 'Khamoshi'.

h. Madhuri Dixit and Anil Kapoor in 'Parinda'

Loudmouth though he is, Vidhu Vinod Chopra is one of the more sensible directors around. 'Parinda' features an elegantly shot love-making scene, with Anil Kapoor thankfully not showing much of his hairy self. The scene interperses with shots of a manic Nana Patekar (in a brilliant performance)furiously in search of them, and the suspense is built up skilfully.

i. Mallu love-making scenes - featuring Shakeela, Maria, Reshma and others of ther ilk

Now, these are genuinely funny, and form an entirely different category by themsleves. Most of these women are 40+, and look it too. Plus, they are all massive. For instance, the last emotion one would feel upon the sight of Shakeela on a bed would be lust (except in the case of a male hippopotamus, perhaps!); she is absolutely gigantic. The others are not much better either. And as for the actual scenes, they are so ludicrous that one can't help laughing out aloud. I will not attempt to describe them here, they are absolutely beyond words!

P.S: I think Kamal Hassan should form an entirely different category by himself too. I mean, hey, just count for yourselves: Hey Ram, Nayakan, Chachi 420, Virumandi, and still counting) but I'm a big fan of his movies, and hence I shall desist.