Outkissing the Serial Kisser

Bald maverick & ex-director Mahesh Bhatt has dug up new diaries that he wrote when he was romping in the hay with Parveen Babi (lucky bastard!), and is planning to script (yet) another kissjerker with apna Emraan Hansini. The story goes something like this:

Hansini is an high-profile ex-pimp (ex, 'coz while running away from the husband of a woman he tried to sell to Amrita Singh, a Beirut-based madam, he was hit by a running car) who now limps badly. He is married to one of his old clients, Udita Goswami, who has made a name for herself as one of Beirut's top call-girls. They have an unhappy marriage, as Hansini has had a conscience attack after his accident, and does not approve of Goswami coming home late, and neglecting their adorable little child Rohan. And what's more, she does not even attend Rohan's lacrosse matches!

Shamita Shetty is Mrs. Plain-Jane unhappily married to party animal Ashmit Patel; opposites don't attract, in this particular case. While Shamita is content to sit at home and vaccum the carpet, Ashmit believes in setting the city on fire. Repeated attempts to drag Shamita to parties have ended up with Ashmit spending the night on the sofa, and Ashmit now goes to parties alone.

Hansini and Shamita meet. Sparks fly. Despite Shamita's initial reluctance, Hansini succeeds in kissing her. Again and again (yet another lucky bastard)! They have a rollicking affair, running around on the streets of Beirut scattering poor pigeons all over the place.

Of course, there has to be a lovemaking scene too. Set to a soulful song by a Pakistani singer, of course.

In what has to be an incredible coincidence, Goswani and Ashmit knew each other; in fact, Ashmit used to be Udita's favorite customer. But that's all history now. They share tips on how to rescue their respective marriages. They even sing a song together, where Goswami flaunts her midriff yet again. However, inevitably, they find out that their respective spouses are cheating on them. Much yelling and slapping follow.

After yet another airport-climax, where Hansini knocks down a hundred people and their suitcases, he and Shamita finally end up together. All's well that ends well.

Only, KJo (like JLo, only KJo's sexier!) beat the Bhatts in making this epic saga of infidelity. Thus we have the laborious KANK and not an exciting Gangster.

Its not that bad - considering that KANK is just Johar's third movie as director, KANK is an ambitious effort that is slightly better than his previous offering, K3G. In fact, compare KANK to other 'third' movies, and it even begins to look decent. However, KANK is no ordinary movie (if you don't know why, you have read this post in vain)! Karan Johar does have a decent sense of script, and a great eye for dialogue. However, what he also unfortunately has is a weakness for hayckneyed melodrama and bucketfuls of glycerine. If Karan does away with all the melodrama & glycerine, he might have the glimmerings of a good (and not merely candyfloss-competent) director in him. Let's hope he produces a tight, well-edited film next time!