Friday, March 21, 2008

My New College: JanakiParvathyShakuntalaDamayanthi College of Education

Links courtesy HawkEye

Looking at how popular colleges like these are, I have decided to begin my own college in Chennai: Shree JanakiParvathyShakuntalaDamayanthi College of Exemplary Education. This will of course be a 'mixed' college, but also be a carefully 'controlled' environment so as to extol the finest virtues of discipline and self-control amongst students.

As Chairman, Counselor and Principal, my rules will be these:

a. All college buses will have two entrances - one for boys and the other for girls.

b. The buses will have a central partition, so that not even a carrot can be shared between the two sexes.

c. All girls should obligatorily carry an umbrella with them at all times (black in color).

d. When climbing up/down on stairs, girls should have their umbrellas open, so as to deter all eyes.

e. Furthermore, all girls should have their dupattas fastened with no less than 50 safety-pins at all times. This will be subject to random inspections, and anybody found with a number of pins lesser than the minimum will have to undergo punishment.

f. All HODs will be provided special mopeds /TVS Scooties so that they can roam around campus during 'free periods', and look around for offenders. Offenders will be punished harshly, and repeat-offenders will be dismissed.

g. Within the classroom, girls and boys will be separated using a one-way mirror partition on both sides. Each classroom will also have different entrances.

h. Girls (and boys) are forbidden from wearing makeup. At the most, kajal can be used.

i. No 'western' cultural programs will be allowed. Western Dance, Light Music, Skits etc are not allowed during cultural festivals. The only items / competitions permitted are classical dance, Bhajan competition, and skits from the Ramayana or Mahabharata.

j. No skit should have girls and boys participating at the same time. The dupatta rule applies during skits as well.

k. During competitions, cheering, catcalls, whistling etc are not allowed. At the end of every event, the event coordinator will lift his/her hand signalling permission to clap. The audience has to clap then, and only then.

l. Attendance for all competitions are mandatory.

m. Girls are not allowed to participate in sports events.

n. Girls are not allowed to view sports' events held for boys.

o. In the girls' hostel, the dupatta rule must be followed whenever there are any visitors.

p. In the visitors room of both the girls' and boys' hostels, all occupants must have both legs on the ground at all times.

q. All hostels will have speakers on the ceilings, which will start playing bhajans at 4:00 AM, and 6:00 PM. All lights in the rooms will be automatically switched on at this time as well. If any speaker is damaged, all occupants of the floor will be suspended.

r. All hostels will have a TV room. The TV will be locked in a glass case, and the hostel warden will decide what channel is to be place. The TV remote would be in the custody of the hostel warden at all times.

s. College tours are not permitted.

t. Hostel residents should be within the college campus by 6:00 PM.

Can't think of any more, going off to sleep !!


Visakh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Visakh said...

hi..nice reading...i linked this post to my blog..

Truly Hilarious

AJ Menon said...

Though not exactly a comment on this post, Im using the chance to give my props for this splendid work. Took me about 5 hours to go through the whole blog, but it was a very interesting read. Especially the movie related ones.

Ranjit Nair said...

@bonchi: Thank you boss.

@ag: Thank you too. Hope you continue to be a frequent visitor!

Unknown said...

I really enjoyed reading.....

renjith aalu puliyanuuuuuu

Ranjit Nair said...

puliyalla....puppuli !!

Thx Lini :).